The Orisa Yemonja refers to the archetype of Mother, the ocean, the surface of the ocean, the mother of all life. Today I find myself reflecting on year 42. The year when Jasmine Quetzal was born. During her 9 months of gestation I faced fears during a semi-turbulent pregnancy; I deepened my relationship with my first child, now turning 13 years old~ Coyote; and much more all in the realm of relationships, communication, and connection. 43, an “ocean” year symbolizes the ever more deepening of relationships that this year will bring me.

In my 42nd year I experienced fears I had never felt before. I also witnessed the world break open in profound ways. Less and less can I (or anyone) hide behind empty political promises and false narratives of “the other”- on the contrary each one of us has been called to the forefront of our lives to face ourselves and the world we live in; reconcile (or not) with our contradictions, and for some of us this year has been a call to more boldly live out/speak out our values and convictions. Multiple genocides across the globe, funded by our own monies or indirect consent by our lifestyles. We can no longer act without thinking twice about who is impacted by the privileges that make up our lives in the West. Within the layers of complications with social media, our music streaming, google-ing, tik-tok-ing, etc. – the harsh positive has been that most everyone has access to witnessing the suffering of people within our own geographical communities and across the globe. The propaganda of fear that has been fed to us has been digested and swallowed, regurgitated, transmuted, or simply accepted because no other choice seems feasible given one’s circumstances. Witnessing oppression has impacted each one of us on a spiritual, pyschological, emotional, and mental level. The harm cannot be undone. And yet, within these truths there has been an uproar of solidarity, big-hearted direct actions towards a better today/tomorrow, and a leaning into our humanity and ability to love, love, Love.

With these reflections, for my 43rd year I move towards more Love, more connection, more sharing of self. My partner and I have a running joke that I only share about 4% of myself to him, and less to the world. When he first said this to me, I laughed out loud and at the same time I accepted the gravity of the truth he was playfully mirroring to me. I know I am not alone in this reality. Most people I know experience feelings of isolation, loneliness, grief around loss or a lack a sense of belonging. When I dig a little deeper into these feelings that I also carry within me, I know that these emotions are a direct result of 500+ years of colonization and the false narrative that there exists hierarchies in who is a supreme being. I know that within me lives the ancestral struggle to advance as humans, at times having lost our balance between expansion of consciousness and “advancing” at the cost of our connection to the earth, to the laws and values the earth teaches us, and to the innate abundance that lives within all of us.

I write this as I hear my new baby stretch during an afternoon nap. As I pause to look at her she quickly reminds me that Love will win because the earth and that which made us (whatever name you choose to call your Creator/s/x) is in alignment with Love, not hate. As my Elder Awo Falokun shares, good character and unconditional love may never win in a gun fight. But the teachings of Ifa show us time and again that in a battle between love and hate, love will always win. My children will know this because this is the truth that I choose to live and teach by example.

I am posting this reflection post celebrating my 44th birthday. I am grateful to return to these words. I am grateful to always have myself to return to. And so it Is.

Coyote, 12. Me, 42. Baby Jasmine 6 months in belly.